The Headerhunter Rants...

Server Crashes, Manhattan Youth Starves

Police and FBI today reported that a Manhattan youth, Danny Malaby, mysteriously died of starvation in his room last Friday, February 30th. Early reports imply that the youth was not receiving email from his mother announcing meal times. When questioned, Agnes Malaby, the youth’s stepmother, said that the lack of response usually meant that Danny had gone camping with neighbor, Marvin Orndorf. “He leaves his door shut in his room a lot and works on his own. I heard no unusual noises or other signs of a problem, so I didn’t go and check this week. I actually saw him for a moment last week and figured everything was fine. I finally got suspicious when his sister and stepfather missed a couple meals too. The server crash halted all internal email delivery and I was getting no error messages until this morning. By the time we broke into Danny’s room, it was too late. He looked like Ghandi and had no pulse. I tried to email 911, but due to the server crash, they didn’t get the mail either. Danny was DOA at Holy Fruit Hospital. They said he had not eaten in 6 days. Geeeez.”

Resume du Jour

Gosh, it is that time again. I just can’t sit in my chair without squirming until I get this out. What am I all riled up about now? Internet recruiting. Phlegggghhh!

Wow… Internet recruiting has gotten so BIGGGGG! Every day it seems I get another resume site, portal or e-solution sent to me so I can get EVEN MORE RESUMES! It doesn’t matter that I have enough resume services to last me another 100 years. “Industry People” think we need more and more. Well, maybe they are right. I guess I see the reasoning, I have empathy, I have seen the light… NO, NO, NO!… they are not right… I do not want 5 million resumes!

Tips for clients ( Electronic Search, Inc.’s definitive directory of reasons NOT to hire )

  1. Candidate is almost dead or actually dead
  2. When you ask the candidate what happened at their last job, they don’t remember
  3. When you schedule the drug test, the candidate informs you that in 5 minutes he is leaving on a 3 week vacation but would be happy to take the test as soon as he returns
  4. Candidate smells like garbage dump or dead bird
  5. The candidate says his only reference is his twin brother who lives in Siberia. All other past references were killed in the Civil War
  6. Before and after answering a question, candidate says “dude” or “dude-skee”
  7. When you ask a computer programmer what languages he knows, he says “all of ’em”
  8. You ask a question and the candidate gives you a perfect answer, but the answer is to a different question. You ask again and he says “yup”
  9. You ask the candidate to clarify when they went to college and they ask to see a copy of their resume so they can check
  10. Candidate comes to interview with a 3-day beard, says his name is Robert, but you can call him “Spike.” Only employer listed as “CIRKUS”
  11. Candidate says he will do daily commute from Greenland to South Africa


How many Interviews does it take?

I have had several conversations with candidates recently and some interesting facts have begun to surface.

One friend said…”I had 13 interviews to eventually get hired.”

Another said…”it is a 30 employee company and I have now had 6 interviews…; and I am still going.”

I found myself laughing and then started thinking…;

If a person needs to meet 20% of the staff at a firm to be “accepted,” what if the company had 5000 employees? How would that work?

The One Page Resume & Other Urban Legends

Man oh man alive. Geeeeez. Holy Mackerel!

It is now my turn to speak on the subject of the one page resume.

I have NEVER been involved in such a complete fiasco as the unending discussion of whether you should or should not have a one-page resume.