Electronic Search, Inc. 100% Y2K compliant, President Touts

Yes, it’s true, after exhaustive Y2K preparedness projects and follow-up testing, “Electronic Search, Inc. is 100% compliant,” touted Steve Eddington, President of the Rolling Meadows, IL based staffing firm.

“It was grueling to say the least,” stated Eddington, now sequestered and waiting aboard his New Orleans docked shrimp boat, ” ’cause EVERYTHING these days has a gosh-darned microprocessor in it!”

“We had a bit of a problem at first with the tropical plants. Most of the microprocessors are pretty well hidden deep in the stems, and the plants themselves were in denial about the whole process, even thought they had been advised repeatedly over the last 12 months that they were not Y2K compliant. We needed sort of a Mr. Green Jeans kind of guy who could come in and really devise an appropriate organic procedure to eliminate fatalities while swapping the appropriate boards. Then there was the ever-present danger of the plant rejecting the new chip or just getting overly perturbed. All heck could have broken loose if we didn’t use laser-precise gardening tools. We have Marvin Stewart (sort of a Mr. Green Jeans kind of guy we hired) to thank for a successful project during which we only lost one Boston Fern. Although some are healing slowly, all plants ARE Y2K compliant as of this date.

“With the plants 100% compliant, we had to move on to the tuff stuff, i.e. the desks, the water cooler, the carpet in the reception area, Peter’s cappuccino machine and 2 or 3 of the paintings in the hallway. Then there was the air cleaner and the central filing system. The cappuccino machine was the worst. Did you know that there are about 50,000 lines of assembler code in a typical cappuccino machine?! We were shocked too. We spent 300 man hours on that one alone, but now I am happy to say that on Jan 1st 2000, and until the year 10,000, we will be able to enjoy a nice cup of cappuccino…NO PROBLEM.

“The water cooler was another interesting endeavor. We had to wait till all the water was gone before my team could dismantle the cooler. I kept sending out memos to the staff like, “aren’t you a bit thirsty today?” And I finally just brought in a huge supply of Pringles and that did it. The water cooler was as dry as a bone by the end of the week. The little chip that cools off the water was definitely gonna blow the eve of Y2K. Lucky for us, we yanked that puppy out clean as a whistle, reset the clock and popped her back in, bingo.

“The hardest thing for me now is the waiting here on my boat. Good thing I have a Y2K compliant shrimping operation…phew. I shudder at the thought of compliance testing all those little guys even though they taste soooo good!

“By the way, we got new carpeting. Some things you have to sacrifice to the Y2K bug and just move on. The paintings in the hallway spontaneously combusted some time over the weekend, so that one took care of itself. The desks, we hypnotized into thinking it was 1955, so it’s all the same to them. (Knock wood.) As far as the central filing system goes, we are thinking of getting a computer. Who knows, it could be the next big thing?”

Steve Eddington